“Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then.”
- Katherine Hepburn
I just had the most delicious conversation with my dear friend Tam. She and I have been friends for over 30 years. When we talk, we go straight to heart level, which I value so much and crave so deeply. As a woman, this need for deep heart connection is so important to me. And this brings me to the essence of this post, yet another layer of stuff my husband and I are working through.
I won’t go into the full background of the latest turmoil, it’s more than a argument or disagreement – it feels like a deep mis-understanding of the sexes. Our communication feels like he’s trying to connect from the head and me from the heart, and I end up feeling like a bleeding mess in a puddle in the corner and he is trying to analize why and how it happened and what exactly was said to get there and what words can deal with it.
After talking to Tam and to my sister and a couple of other friends, I noticed once again, not surprisingly that men and women really communicate differently. So I decided to do some research, and I found that it’s not surprising that we communicate so differently because research shows that men’s brains don’t work the same way that women’s brains work. There is so much new research out there showing us beyond a shadow of a doubt that men and women are wired differently.
According to psychologist Simon Baron-Cohen, the female brain is wired to empathize and the male brain is characterized by its tendency to systemize. The male brain seeks to develop a set of logical rules that guide another person’s behavior. When a man can’t understand someone else’s behavior through logic, he tends to become confused about how to proceed. Women, on the other hand, may be more empathetic because their brains’ mirror neurons are more sensitive than men’s. Mirror neurons cause us to imitate emotions and actions that we’re exposed to. One theory is that women’s mirror neurons allow them to more easily hone in on another person’s emotional cues.
This quote just made so much sense to me! I get so frustrated because it feels like my husband is trying to understand me “logically” – and does not understand emotional cues. But if he’s not wired to do so, can I hold this against him? Ah there’s the rub. So I guess we just keep trying to find the common ground, and to work through this morass called relationship.
This video clip is a long one, well over an hour, but if you are interested in this subject, please do take the time to watch it, it offers some fascinating information on the brain differences between men and women.
I’d love to hear what helps you communicate better and how you make your relationships work. And as always thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it.