“I believe we’re all put on this planet for a purpose, and we all have a different purpose … When you connect with that purpose, and move forward with love and compassion, that’s when everything unfolds.”
For those of you who missed my January Newsletter and want to have a read . . .
Thinking about what it means to follow your heart . . .
I don’t know about you, but my email was bombarded with suggestions about how to gain clarity this year and what to do to “unclutter” and find peace. So as I thought about this newsletter to start the year, what became clear for me was that I did not want to write about how to unclutter or which new app I could buy to find peace, but instead I wanted to hone in on my purpose for this year. That sounds grandiose and overwhelming as I write it, but with so much “stuff” out there, so much information and so many paths that I could take, I need to narrow my focus and check in with what really resonates for me.
Buddha has been quoted as saying: Your work is to discover your world and then with all your heart give yourself to it.
And this has been adapted and misquoted as: Your purpose in life is to find your purpose and give your whole heart and soul to it.
I don’t think there would be many people who disagree that finding one’s purpose is essential in one’s life. And I think finding purpose in my mid to later life is much different than when I was younger. In youth, there was a sense of spaciousness, a sense that I could trial different pathways and see what I liked, what made me feel alive. These days, there is much less time to waste. I’m 61 and feel a bit more urgency (still young enough … but don’t want to waste the time I do have). As Bonnie Raitt so succinctly puts it: Life gets mighty precious
When there’s less of it to waste
It’s not just that having a sense of purpose adds to one’s well being, although research shows that that is true. It’s more than that. Having a sense of purpose improves health, fulfilment, and can even help you live longer. In a nutshell, finding your sense of purpose has the potential to change everything!
How do we even start? Is there a signpost or light to follow?
The founders of ConsciousED’s best advice is to follow your heart: The best advice I’ve ever gotten in my life is to follow my heart. I think of it like, there’s a guiding compass inside of me that always knows which direction to go. An inner voice that knows what’s right. I just need to tune into it and trust it.
I agree, that is great advice . . . but how exactly do we do that? Research suggests three key elements:
Read
Serve
Cultivate Awe and Gratitude
If you want to read more about these suggestions and how to implement them, you can read more about it in my recent article on Thrive Global – Choosing to be the mountain, not the grain of sand. And if you want to watch a powerful interview between Oprah and Eckhart Tolle about purpose, check out my recent Blog Post.
This Way Up Online Interactive Live Workshops
In 2018, I ran two This Way Up Interactive Live Workshops. Both were powerful experiences for me and, according to the participants, quite transformational. This year, I’ll be running the first six-week series starting in April. The dates will be:
For those of you in the US:
Six Tuesdays – April 2, 9, 16, 23, 30 and May 7
at 5pm PST; 6pm MT; 7pm CT and 8pm EST
For those of you in NZ and Australia:
Six Wednesdays – April 3, 10, 17, 24, and May 1 and 8
at 1pm NZ time; 11am Australian time
If you are interested in learning more about these online workshops or signing up for the April series, you can sign up here!
Exciting news: we are now planning our Bali Retreat for July 2019!
This year we are staying in an incredible luxury boutique villa right on the beach in beautiful Sanur. We’ll be there for nine glorious nights, arriving on Thursday 4th July and leaving on Saturday 13th July.
As spaces are limited, I wanted you to be the first to know in case you’re feeling the pull to join us. You can check out the venue online.
I’m thrilled to let you know that I will be appearing as a guest speaker on Jamie Greenberg’s online symposium, “Capitalize On Your Creativity,” set to launch on Monday, February 4.
This summit is being offered by the amazing Jamie Greenberg. Jamie is the Chief Originologist and founder of A Brand YOU Way, a company that helps entrepreneurs and thought leaders harness their intellectual property and “capitalize on their creativity.”
This symposium is for:
Anyone who has a big idea and wants to turn it into a business
Anyone who is ready for creative tools and strategies to take their business to the next level
Anyone who is transitioning from a corporate to an entrepreneurial lifestyle
Anyone who is a coach, speaker or expert who wants to become a recognized thought leader in their industry
Anyone who wants to turn “creative constipation” into “creative inspiration”
Anyone who is ready to use their creative inspirations to step into a bigger and more visible version of themselves both professionally and personally
For more information and to sign up for this symposium, visit Jamie’s page.
You’re Invited: Path to Purpose Project
Launching February 12
Devorah knows the world is transformed by the power of our stories. Devorah and I believe that now more than ever, we need to hear and share stories of healing and transformation.
Devorah has been a storyteller for over 40 years, and as an intuitive coach for women, she is passionate about transforming ourselves and our world through the power of our stories.
This will be a high value interview training series where women walk away with clarity on their story and purpose as well the vital inner and outer skills to transform their lives and make a difference in the world.
Check out Devorah’s page for more information and to sign up for this powerful series.
Buy the Book!
“Author Patti Clark is a cross between Elizabeth Gilbert and Julia Cameron.”
This Way Up is a story of healing for women who yearn to lead a fuller life, accompanied by a workbook to help readers work through personal challenges, discover new inspiration, and harness their creative power. . .
This Way Up provides a step-by-step way out of a sense of loss and into a life filled with enthusiasm, creativity, and joy.
“The purpose of life is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Thank you for being part of this movement. I hope that 2019 is unfolding purposefully for you.
Pssst – I want to let you in on a secret . . . I’m terrified!
As I was sitting down to write this article, I thought of a few topics: ‘Gratitude for Thanksgiving’ and ‘Joy for Christmas’ and ‘Happiness for the Holidays’ – but what I was honestly thinking is “What the hell do you have to say that is special Patti? It’s all been said before and you are not adding anything special to this world!” I froze after I sat down and decided I’d just look at Facebook on my phone instead of write . . . which of course made me feel worse – because on FB most people look like they have everything is under control . . .
I started wondering where these insecurities came from. My first thought was my mother, a painfully depressed alcoholic. But to be fair, she loved me and encouraged me when I was young. Then I thought about my dad, a ping pong ball of rage and Peter Pan never grow up energy; but actually much of the time, he encouraged me to be audacious and live big.
Yes, both my parents added to this negative messaging that I still carry, but it is absolutely added to and encouraged by our culture. We are so scared of getting cut down if we stand out, or trolled if we are seen saying much of anything online. Perhaps, as Marianne Williamson so eloquently puts it, my deepest fear is my own power.
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
* Please note, that that feels rather cringe-worthy to say that I am afraid of my own power. My head is making serious fun of me at the moment . . . But I persist . . .
I have pursued a career of being vulnerable in front of others. I write blog posts and articles that people can read and comment on; I’ve written a book that is subject to people reviewing and saying mean things about; I put myself out there vulnerably. And it just so happens that a new study suggests that we judge ourselves more harshly than others do when we put ourselves out there, so maybe there is validity in my fear.
Professor and author Brené Brown has studied and written about vulnerability in depth:
“We love seeing raw truth and openness in other people, but we are afraid to let them see it in us,” she writes. “Vulnerability is courage in you and inadequacy in me.”
“Participants in a study imagined either themselves or someone else in different vulnerable situations: confessing romantic feelings for a best friend, admitting a costly mistake at work, asking for help from a former boss, or baring their imperfect bodies at a swimming pool. Then, they rated how vulnerable the situation was, and how they evaluated that vulnerability—as an act of strength or weakness, something desirable or something to be avoided.”
They describe as Vulnerability being a “beautiful mess.” Indeed vulnerability comes with some risks, we may be laughed at, made fun of and trolled; but there are rewards as well: We may inspire someone and touch someone’s heart, and ultimately find a beautiful sense of belonging. The research suggests that we may be overestimating the risks and underestimating the benefits.
“Showing vulnerability might sometimes feel more like weakness from the inside…[but] to others, these acts might look more like courage from the outside,” the researchers write. “It might, indeed, be beneficial to try to overcome one’s fears and to choose to see the beauty in the mess of vulnerable situations.”
One article suggests 7 benefits of vulnerability:
1. You may learn to appreciate the quirks that make you unique. Being vulnerable may help you embrace all of you, all the things that make you special.
2. You may make peace with troubling memories from your past. Being vulnerable may help you get rid of some pent-up baggage that bothers you. While it isn’t easy to deal with painful memories, it is better to confront your past than it is to hide from it.
3. You may attract the right kind of people into your life. Being vulnerable may help you understand what types of people you can most relate to and which ones to avoid.
4. You may find it easier to empathize with the struggles of others. Being vulnerable can help you develop empathy for others.
5. You might earn the trust of people at work. Being vulnerable might help you grow closer to the people in your workplace.
6. You may strengthen your bond with your romantic partner. Being vulnerable will probably help you bond with the person you love most.
7. You will humanize yourself in the eyes of others. Being vulnerable will help you demonstrate that you are an approachable person. While it isn’t easy to find the courage to reveal our true nature, there is no better way be seen as human and open.
So as I sit down to write this article and hope that no one rolls their eyes at me and tells me that the world would be a better place if I would just shut up, I remind myself of Brené Brown’s words:
“Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.”
To close, I want to share a great video of Brené Brown – The Power of Vulnerability. It’s well worth the watch if you haven’t seen it yet. And worth a re-watch if you’ve already seen it.
I’d love to hear about how you embrace vulnerability in your life.
And as always, thank you for stopping by, I appreciate it.
““Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.”
— George Bernard Shaw
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There are still a few spaces left for the This Way Up Six Week Online Live Interactive Workshop.
The six-week series begins on Tuesday 23 October at 5pm PDT and runs for six weeks:
Tuesday 23 October – Tuesday 27 November.
The workshop is completely free. There is no set fee at all. At the end of the six weeks, if you decide you want to donate something, you are welcome, but there is no expectation.
Each workshop is live, and videoed. If you miss a day in the series, you can go to our private You Tube page and watch what you’ve missed and do the day’s visualization. There is time for questions and discussions during each workshop. The shared community of women from around the world is wonderful!
This video will answer some questions for you, and if you have any other question, you can contact me at
patti@thiswayupbook.com
“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.”
– Desmond Tutu
____________________________________________________________________________
For those of you who missed my September Newsletter …
If you are not signed up to received my newsletter and are interested in being on my mailing list, just message me below, or email me at patti@thiswayupbook.com
Please keep reading to find out how to sign up for 2 really exciting upcoming online summits.
If you are interested in learning more about the next This Way Up Online Workshop, watch the video below. Or if you are ready to sign up, you can click here. I’d love to see you there!
Welcome to This Way Up!
Thank you for being part of this community! Keep reading for more information about dealing with A Crisis of the Heart and finding well-being; news about the upcoming This Way Up Online Interactive Workshop starting in October; and info about two upcoming events that you are invited to attend. You can always find me at ThisWayUpBook.com.
Dealing with A Crisis of the Heart and Finding Well-Being
Surviving in the age of technical overwhelm
“We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love.”
~ Dorothy Day
There is a crisis of the heart impacting us at the moment. It’s showing up as depression, anxiety, and attention disorders. These are also symptomatic of a cognition crisis. Adam Gazzaley, PhD explains it as “a crisis at the core of what makes us human: the dynamic interplay between our brain and our environment—the ever-present cycle between how we perceive our surroundings, integrate this information, and act upon it.”
I explored this crisis in my recent article on Thrive Global.
The cause of this crisis is linked to the fact that we just cannot keep up with the rapid rise of technology and it is impacting our brains and our well-being. As Gazzaley put it: “Our brains simply have not kept pace with the dramatic and rapid changes in our environment—specifically the introduction and ubiquity of information technology.”
Some researchers explain that “the increasing complexity, speed, and multitasking of our modern environment has overtaken our capacities, and we live disconnected from our own self and from one another.” This disconnect from our self and from one another is perpetuating the crisis, and the crisis is spiralling out of control.
I discuss how Jack Kornfield describes reengaging the heart. There is hope! If you’re interested in reading more about this and watching Kornfield discuss wisdom, compassion and courage in uncertain times, visit patticlark.com.
It’s Here! This Way Up Is Now Available as an Audio Book!
This Way Up audiobook is now available for purchase! You can find it on Audible and Amazon and on iTunes. You can hear all about it here, along with a special invitation to get it for free!
Please let me know your thoughts if you listen to it. I’d love to hear from you.
This Way Up Online Interactive Live Workshops!
In May, I hosted the first This Way Up Interactive Live Workshop. There were ten women from four different countries taking part and it was amazing – exhilarating and uplifting! We explored many of the topics I write about in my book. But with the unity of sharing our common experience, it was so much richer than doing it alone.
Here’s what a few of the women said about the workshop:
“I really liked getting to know all the lovely ladies and the fact that we were all over the globe! And finding that other women have the same doubts and concerns about themselves that I do. It was fabulous! Keep me posted on next workshop, I want to share this.”
– Kathleen
“Thank you so much for the course. I really enjoyed it, as well as getting to know you and the group.”
– Shellan
“I enjoyed it all, but I think I enjoyed the interactive format the most. It was nice to feel the support and genuine caring from both you and the other participants. It was a very safe and supportive environment. It was very helpful to be guided through the visualizations directly, by someone I had built trust in. It was also helpful to hear the other participants’ experiences. It gave me hope, that doing the hard work and learning the tools will be worth it. I also enjoyed that we received helpful links after the session which enabled me to dive deeper into areas I wanted to work on. Your help was invaluable.”
– Stacy
Check out the video below to learn more about the workshop.
The next six-week series begins on Tuesday, 23 October at 5 p.m. PDT. The workshop series runs for six weeks: Tuesday, 23 Oct – Tuesday, 27 November.
Here is some information about the workshops:
If you want more information about the workshops, or you are interested in signing up for the next series of workshops, you can sign up here!
Upcoming Summits
You’re invited to this wonderful series:
Finding Yourself Master Class Series with the uplifting Clarissa Findlay
This event will launch on October 9.
You are also invited to this fabulous summit:
The Unstoppable Artist Formula:
How to Claim Your Full Power as an Artist, Make Great Money, and Attract Your Perfect Audience
Hosted by the Incomparable Nikol Peterman
The Unstoppable Artist Formula launches October 29 and will run through November 8.
“Author Patti Clark is a cross between Elizabeth Gilbert and Julia Cameron.”
This Way Up is a story of healing for women who yearn to lead a fuller life, accompanied by a workbook to help readers work through personal challenges, discover new inspiration, and harness their creative power. . .
Women spend so much of life nurturing and giving to others that when they find themselves alone—because of an empty nest, the end of a marriage, or the death of a partner—they often struggle with feeling purposeless. This Way Up provides a step-by-step way out of this sense of loss and into a life filled with enthusiasm, creativity, and joy. Buy Online
Parting Words
“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.”
~ Helen Keller
Thank you for being part of this movement. Watch this space for more in the months ahead.
“When we align our thoughts, emotions, and actions with the highest part of ourselves, we are filled with enthusiasm, purpose and meaning. Life is rich and full. We have no thoughts of bitterness. We have no memory of fear. We are joyously and intimately engaged with our world. This is the experience of authentic power … when the personality comes fully to serve the energy of its soul, that is authentic empowerment.” – Gary Zukav ____________________________________________________________________________
A friend asked me recently what my life purpose is. She asked me glibly, almost as a joke, but I took it seriously. At sixty, I assume I ‘should’ know this. So I went home after that conversation and I did some research and some soul-searching.
When we align our thoughts, emotions, and actions with the highest part of ourselves, we are filled with enthusiasm, purpose and meaning.
What Drives Me?
My first question for myself was what drives me, what is truly a driving force behind my actions. I thought of my children of course. My love for them is a driving force in every area of my life. But I drilled deeper, what else is a driver in my life. What gets me excited and passionate. When does my heart race? When am I filled with enthusiasm and meaning?
Write and Explore
I started journaling about it, exploring and drilling down. I wrote about what gets me excited; when do I feel like I am doing what I am supposed to do in this life? And I did some research too. I discovered several good articles about the subject. In Psychology Today, I found a good article, entitled: Five Steps to Finding Your Life Purpose. And a wonderful article in Greater Good called: How to Find Your Purpose in Life. Another helpful site was Jack Canfield’s Finding Life Purpose.
Create a Life Purpose Statement
After identifying a few drivers in my life, then I focused on what I love to do, and also what comes easily for me. I like communicating with people, I like to talk with people about real and meaningful subjects. I read in one article that it was helpful to create a Life Purpose Statement. This statement came eventually after thinking about what I love to do and why I love to do it:
“Inspiring and empowering people to become the best version of themselves, contributing love and joy to the world.”
I want to contribute love and joy to the world, not just by being the best I can be but by inspiring others.
Service
I also deeply feel that true life purpose comes through love and service. So I thought about who I want to serve and how I can best do that. Well, I love to write and to communicate and connect with people, so I write articles and share what I am learning. And I’ve started running workshops online for anyone looking for a bit of inspiration.
Follow Inner Guidance
And I continue to check in on my inner guidance. I make sure I take time every single day to meditate and go inward to ask for guidance.
I ask for clarity on direction, and when I get direction, I follow it. I think of Julia Cameron, she describes this guidance as her Marching Orders. I try to follow my guidance even when I feel awkward or under-confident. I was ‘instructed’ to start the online workshops one day when I was swimming. I had no idea how to do it, and felt embarrassed trying. My negative inner-chatter was rampant. But it felt very clear that this was an important part of my path, so I persevered. Trusting my inner guidance is crucial as I move toward my highest purpose, because my ego and fear can easily steer me off the path.
Cultivate Awe, Gratitude and Altruism
And finally, in my pursuit of life purpose, I do as Greater Good suggests, I cultivate awe, gratitude, and altruism.
“Certain emotions and behaviors that promote health and well-being can also foster a sense of purpose — specifically, awe, gratitude, and altruism. Several studies conducted by the Greater Good Science Center’s Dacher Keltner have shown that the experience of awe makes us feel connected to something larger than ourselves — and so can provide the emotional foundation for a sense of purpose. Of course, awe all by itself won’t give you a purpose in life. It’s not enough to just feel like you’re a small part of something big; you also need to feel driven to make a positive impact on the world. That’s where gratitude and generosity come into play. “It may seem counterintuitive to foster purpose by cultivating a grateful mind-set, but it works,” writes psychologist Kendall Bronk, a leading expert on purpose. As research by William Damon, Robert Emmons, and others has found, children and adults who are able to count their blessings are much more likely to try to “contribute to the world beyond themselves.” This is probably because, if we can see how others make our world a better place, we’ll be more motivated to give something back. Here we arrive at altruism. There’s little question, at this point, that helping others is associated with a meaningful, purposeful life. In one study, for example, Daryl Van Tongeren and colleagues found that people who engage in more altruistic behaviors, like volunteering or donating money, tend to have a greater sense of purpose in their lives.”
What I’ve come to realize at sixty years old is that finding my life purpose is a life-long journey. I can see that I need to pause and re-evaluate often, and sometimes I feel overwhelmed and that’s OK. But as I review Zukav’s quote as encouragement, I am reminded:
As I align my thoughts, emotions, and actions with the highest part of myself, then I am filled with enthusiasm, purpose and meaning; then my life feels rich and full; then I am joyously and intimately engaged with my world. Here I find the experience of authentic power … when my personality comes fully to serve the energy of my own soul, then I find authentic empowerment.
I’ll close this post with a wonderful interview with Gary Zukav entitled
“The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.” – Albert Einstein ____________________________________________________________________________
The world is changing so fast, the way we do things has changed so much in my lifetime, it’s hard to remember how we used to survive. I was talking to a friend who is in her 20s recently, and she asked me how we survived when we were travelling around the world in the 80s, without cell phones or internet. And I tried to remember . . . how did we survive? We had a Lonely Planet book and we talked to other travellers and we just winged it a lot! Somehow we survived without ever making a reservation or really having much of a plan at all. We just did it.
There is no argument that things are changing quickly, and it seems that many of us, especially those of us born well before cell phones and internet, are running just trying to keep up. But what I’ve noticed a lot lately is that some of us are adapting and learning more quickly than others. So I’ve been fascinated to read about some of the research about how these changes create new demands on how we must think in order to thrive in this era.
There is a fascinating article in Psychology Today, ‘Your Elastic Mind’, by Leonard Mlodinow, Ph.D., a theoretical physicist and the author of Elastic. In this article Mlodinow explains that there are certain talents, or qualities of thought that are now essential in these rapidly changing times. He gives us some examples:
“The capacity to let go of comfortable ideas and become accustomed to ambiguity and contradiction, the capability to rise above conventional mind-sets and reframe the questions we ask, the ability to abandon our ingrained assumptions and open ourselves to new paradigms, the propensity to rely on imagination as much as on logic and to generate and integrate a wide variety of ideas, and the willingness to experiment and be tolerant of failure. That’s a diverse bouquet of talents, but as psychologists and neuroscientists have elucidated the brain processes behind them, those talents have been revealed as different aspects of a coherent cognitive style. I call it elastic thinking.
Elastic thinking endows us with the ability to solve novel problems and overcome the neural and psychological barriers that can impede us from looking beyond the existing order. It’s important to understand how our brains produce elastic thinking, and how we can nurture it. In a large body of research one quality stands out above all the others—unlike analytical reasoning, elastic thinking arises from what scientists call “bottom-up” processes.”
“In my field, science, researchers are overwhelmed by something more constructive, the more than three million new journal articles each year. In personal technology, we must all learn to navigate a landscape in which the number of websites has been doubling every two to three years, and the way we use and access them is subject to frequent “disruptive change.” More importantly, social attitudes are changing just as fast—compare the pace of the civil rights movement to the speed at which the campaign for gay rights swept the developed world. Or look at the overnight rise of the “me too” movement.
The failure of businesses to adapt has led to the quick demise of countless companies, and major power shifts in industries from taxis to hospitality. But we must adapt to thrive in our personal lives, too. We have to be willing to rise above conventional mindsets, to reframe the questions we ask, to be open to new paradigms. We have to rely as much on our imagination as on logic, and have the ability to generate and integrate a wide variety of ideas, to welcome experiment, and be tolerant of failure. I call that manner of thought elastic thinking, in contrast to rational or logical thought.”
The way that this has shown up in my life recently has been the challenges that I have faced as I’ve embarked on a new adventure in my career, pushing me way outside my comfort zone. I’ve had to learn how to use new platforms for my New Online Workshop; had to learn new tools on You Tube and new ways to connect with people around the world. It has pushed me way beyond what I thought I could do, and my fear of failure and doing it wrong has been rampant.
I have absolutely had to practice what Mlodinow described:
‘I’ve had to ‘reframe the questions I ask; I’ve had to be open to new paradigms; have had to rely as much on my imagination as on logic, and I’ve had to generate and integrate a wide variety of ideas, to welcome experiment, and be very tolerant of failure!’
If this topic interests you, I encourage you to take the time to watch this very interesting ‘Talks at Google’ by Leonard Mlodinow – ‘Elastic Thinking in Times of Change.’
I’d love to hear about your elastic thinking skills.
And as always, thank you for taking the time to visit. I appreciate it.
I’m so excited to announce a new workshop series! In this interactive online workshop you will learn to:
Identify Limiting Beliefs and Move Beyond Them
Overcome Obstacles that Prevent You from Moving Forward
Move Toward Achieving Your Dreams and Living Your Best Life!
One of the first questions that people have is – What’s the cost? The answer is simple – Whatever you want to pay. That’s right. I want this workshop to be completely accessible to everyone that is interested, and I absolutely do not want money to be an obstacle.
This Workshop begins Tuesday May 29th at 6pm PDT
Sign up today to start your journey!
patti@thiswayupbook.com
Are we all addicts? Well perhaps not all of us, but I’d put forth that there are lots and lots of us!
Life has become so stressful for most of us, that it is almost impossible not to become addicted to something. In the most of the world, much of society not only encourages addiction, but almost demands it. Some addictions, such as workaholism, are actually applauded in our culture – while others, such as nicotine, TV, internet porn, gambling, and sex addiction, are simply tolerated. And I believe that women are pressured hugely to drink wine in most social gatherings. Wine has become a staple in the “Girls’ Night Out.” As this article in The Huffington Post points out – Women Have a Complicated Love Affair With Wine.
Anne Wilson Schaef, author of When Society Becomes An Addict, explains:
“Often unknowingly the vast majority of us collude in a system that encourages addiction and co-dependence – and sees these states as normal. Many of us are addicted to chemicals, not only to alcohol or drugs but nicotine, caffeine, chocolate and overeating in general. Even more of us are involved in addictive processes: workaholism, gambling, compulsive shopping, sex, and so on. The realization of the extent of our addictions, both individually and as a society, is shocking.”
And this book was written before the internet took over as our number one addiction. If we are using anything to not feel our feelings, and we do it consistently, it is argued, that we are in an addiction process.
Buddhist nun Pema Chodron, author of Start Where You Are, agrees with Anne Wilson Schaef – we all are addicted to something. But she doesn’t blame it on American culture; she says it’s simply part and parcel of our human nature. Chodron explains that we are restless, irritable, and discontent – we find it impossible to just sit still and BE. So we distract ourselves with activity and entertainment: cell phones, texting, video games, iPods, TV, movies, magazines, non-stop busyness to keep us looking everywhere but inside ourselves. We mood-alter with substances (sugar, alcohol, drugs, nicotine, caffeine, etc.) and activities (shopping, gambling, sex, work, viewing porn, etc.) Chodron says that we are unable to simply be awake and present to life – so we medicate our existential anxiety.
The article points out some sobering numbers regarding addiction in the US. But I’m sure many people will object to the use of the word addiction, but here is one way to decide for yourself (if you can get past the denial!)
Russell Brand describes the 12 steps of recovery from addiction in his book Recovery in a very in your face manner that may help some people see their own addiction. Most people either love Brand or hate him, but I find this confronting, in your face description of addiction and the way out refreshing.
Here are Brand’s 12 Steps:
“Here is how I look at these steps now, and it’s how I invite you to look at them too. It certainly de-mystifies it. I’ve probably overcompensated with the ‘f ’ word, but my point is that this is a practical system that anyone can use.
1 Are you a bit fucked?
2 Could you not be fucked?
3 Are you, on your own, going to ‘unfuck’ yourself?
4 Write down all the things that are fucking you up or have ever fucked you up and don’t lie, or leave anything out.
5 Honestly tell someone trustworthy about how fucked you are.
6 Well that’s revealed a lot of fucked up patterns. Do you want to stop it? Seriously?
7 Are you willing to live in a new way that’s not all about you and your previous, fucked up stuff? You have to.
8 Prepare to apologize to everyone for everything affected by your being so fucked up.
9 Now apologize. Unless that would make things worse.
10 Watch out for fucked up thinking and behaviour and be honest when it happens.
11 Stay connected to your new perspective.
12 Look at life less selfishly, be nice to everyone, help people if you can.
For Step One, Are You A Bit Fucked? Brand describes addiction simply and succinctly:
This is an invitation to change. This is complicated only in that most of us are quite divided, usually part of us wants to change a negative and punishing behaviour, whereas another part wants to hold on to it. For me Recovery is a journey from a lack of awareness to awareness.
A 5-point guide to the cycle of addiction:
1 Pain
2 Using an addictive agent, like alcohol, food, sex, work, dependent relationships to soothe and distract
3 Temporary anaesthesia or distraction
4 Consequences
5 Shame and guilt, leading to pain or low self-esteem . . . And off we go again.
I love the simplicity of that 5 point process.
If you can go through that 5 point process and honestly say nope not me, then consider yourself one of the lucky ones. If not, there is hope in the steps mentioned above.
I’ll close this post appropriately with Brand’s own video of the 12 steps. Enjoy!
I’d love to hear about your own recovery process, whatever that looks like.
And as always, thank you for taking the time to visit. I appreciate it.
Today I choose to make my life sacred. By focusing on the beauty and the sacredness of life, I can move away from the fear and uncertainty.
“It feels good and right to lift our faces to the sunlight. It feels good and right to follow our hearts. Something in all of us ignites when we live this way.”
Sarah Blondin takes us on a beautiful journey of making our life sacred in her podcast Live Awake. Blondin, the creator of Live Awake focuses on the sacredness of life in her podcasts.
“She decided after waking from what felt like years of sleep, that nature was responsible for loving her awake. She decided the earth breathed its grace up from the roots of her feet. The trees gathered together to give her grounded strength. She decided the wind carried loving whispers from the divine to her slumbering ears. She decided the sky showered her with wisdom and mirrored the boundless nature of every soul walking this earth. She decided after waking from what felt like years of sleep, that she would live forevermore wide open to all that came to be in front of her. She decided that living awake was a choice, and in that moment she became free. And in that moment she chose to be the beam of light that reaches toward all other life, to be the beam that assists the earth in breathing and loving others awake.”
I invite you to listen to the podcast here, on Soundcloud, Make It Sacred. It’s a beautiful uplifting podcast. There are several Live Awake podcasts available on the wonderful free app – Insight Timer. There are hundreds of guided meditations by wonderful teachers available on this app. I recommend it whole-heartedly.
I’ll close this post with another video from the Live Awake archives, Choosing Harmony. It is a lovely way to spend nine minutes.
Let me know your thoughts on how you make your life sacred.
And as always, thank you for taking the time to visit. I appreciate it.
This Way Up 