My dear friend and business partner, Deb Brock, is such a creative being. I love being around her when she is in Flow. in the zone, just creating. Being able to get into that place, that zone, I think is key to connecting to that deepest sense of self. And when we connect to that deepest sense of self, that is where we find our answers.
“For things to reveal themselves to us, we need to be ready to abandon our views about them.”
– Thich Nhat Hanh
This Way Up! Here I go!
In my last post Smile, I let you all know that I was asked to change the title of my book. As I said in that post, I felt frustrated and kinda old. However, what I learned was as Thich Nhat Hanh explains:
For things to reveal themselves to us, we need to be ready to abandon our views about them.
What a wonderful week of uncovering and abandoning old views. I asked for help (ah there’s a novel concept!) First, I called my friend Tam in Seattle and we brainstormed together, from the red chair. Then I asked for ideas from my son Lukas. And then my incredible editor Annie and I brainstormed some ideas. And finally, I sent off our top 5 ideas to Brooke at She Writes Press. Eventually it was a bit of an amalgamation of everyone’s ideas.
So the new title of my book, as reflected by the new look and title of this blog page is:
This Way Up: One Woman’s Path to Fullness and Joy
I’m so glad I asked for help, and that ultimately I was willing to let go of feeling old and stuck and embrace the new.
To honor the concept of asking for help, I’d like to close with a wonderful video, Bill Withers singing Lean On Me.
Please let me know what you think of my new title. I’d really like to hear your opinions. And as always, thank you for taking the time to visit. I appreciate it.
Coincidence is God’s way of remaining anonymous! (God, Goddess, The Source, Higher Power – use whatever word evokes power for you.) It’s my connection to that higher self or higher power that helps me when, as Alice Walker reminds me, I start thinking I don’t have any power.
One of the ways I know I’m connected to that power is when I am paying attention to the coincidences. And one of those lovely coincidences has been happening in the last few days.
On Saturday, I got together with my friends to do a fun, informal goal setting night where we had a lovely dinner and discussed what we anticipated our lives would be like in 2019. During the evening, one of the things we talked about was finding new streams of money through Social Entrepreneurship, or creative fund raising.
On Sunday, I attended an amazing event in Auckland called The Auckland Writers Festival (Thank you Trudi!) During one of the events, I heard four amazing women speak: Eleanor Catton, Ngahuia Te Awekotuku, Sandi Toksvig and Jessica Jackley. As Jackley spoke, I got chills as she elaborated on Social Entrepreneurship and what great ‘givers’ New Zealanders are. I sat up and paid attention. And then on Monday morning, while reading the NZ Herald online, an article jumped out at me, again about New Zealanders and their generosity, with a link to an incredible website called Give a Little.
Givealittle is the free, safe and easy way to receive online donations for charities of all types and sizes.
In three days I had heard about the amazing generosity of many people in New Zealand and the wonderful giving being done, often anonymously, through various ways of giving, micro-financing, social entrepreneurship, etc. I was paying attention.
So on Tuesday, I went to our office at Figjam Workshops and my business partner and I set up an account at Give a Little. We published the information on our page on Facebook, and we are getting the information out there.
When I pay attention to the little coincidences around me, and when I remember to act on those little nudges, then I am connected to my power.
Although I enjoyed every aspect of the Auckland Writers Festival, the highlight for me was hearing Alice Walker. What an amazing woman!
So I’d like to finish with a video clip of Alice Walker speaking at Google. Please take the time to watch and be inspired!
Please let me know what you thought of the video. And I’d love to hear of any ‘coincidences’ that you’ve experienced lately. And as always, thank you for taking the time to visit. I appreciate it.
“You can’t stop the waves, but you can learn to surf.”
– Jon Kabat-Zinn
My friend Jayne sent me a wonderful link the other day. It is so full of wonderful info that it kept me busy reading and listening for days! Thank you Jayne! It’s from one of my very favorite sites that I have talked about before, Greater Good out of Berkeley.
I often talk about happiness in my blog, as a matter of fact, it is one of my favorite subjects. But it’s not as simple as saying “Be Happy and your life will be grand.”
Happiness is good for you, but not all the time; empathy ties us together, and can overwhelm you; humans are born with an innate sense of fairness and morality, that changes in response to context. This has been especially true of the study of mindfulness and attention, which is producing more and more potentially life-changing discoveries.
One of the key points in the article is that:
A meaningful life is different—and healthier—than a happy one.
So what’s the difference between a happy life and a meaningful life? A recent study in the Journal of Positive Psychology explains a few of the differences:
Feeling good and having one’s needs met seem integral to happiness but unrelated to meaning. Happy people seem to dwell in the present moment, not the past or future, whereas meaning seems to involve linking past, present, and future. People derive meaningfulness (but not necessarily happiness) from helping others—being a “giver”—whereas people derive happiness (but not necessarily meaningfulness) from being a “taker.” And while social connections are important to meaning and happiness, the type of connection matters: Spending time with friends is important to happiness but not meaning, whereas the opposite is true for spending time with loved ones.
One of the most significant findings to have emerged from the sciences of happiness and altruism is that altruism boosts happiness. Spending on others makes us happier than spending on ourselves. The emotional benefits of altruism suggest that it is a product of evolution, perpetuating behavior that “may have carried short-term costs but long-term benefits for survival over human evolutionary history.” And mindfulness meditation makes people more altruistic. Greater Good hosted a conference called “Practicing Mindfulness & Compassion,” where speakers made the case that the practice of mindfulness—the moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, and surrounding—doesn’t just improve our individual health but also makes us more compassionate toward others.
The article is full of wonderful information. In my opinion it is well worth the read.
Embedded within the article are several videos from the conference. I will include one here called Mindfulness and Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff. I hope if you have the time and the inclination that you will watch all of the videos. They are uplifting and inspirational.
Please let me know what you thought of the article and the videos, I’d love to hear from you. And as always, thank you for taking the time to visit. I appreciate it.
“Contrary to what most of us believe, happiness does not simply happen to us. It’s something that we make happen, and it results from doing our best. Feeling fulfilled when we live up to our potentialities is what motivates differentiation and leads to evolution.”
– Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
Anyone who knows me well – knows that I am passionate about happiness and it’s benefits. I talk so much about the benefits of happiness, that I’m sure I begin to sound like a broken record. But as Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of Flow and co-founder of the Positive Psychology movement points out “happiness doesn’t just happen.”
Happiness brings large social rewards and interactions, superior work outcomes including higher income, more energy and activity, greater self-control and coping abilities, a bolstered immune system, and longevity.
Happy people demonstrate a self-serving bias, believing they are healthier, able to get along better with others, are more fun, have good ideas, are more intelligent, and are more ethical than others.
People who are positive about aging live 7.5 years longer than those with less positive perceptions. Interestingly, this benefit surpasses the results for smoking cessation, exercise, and obesity control.
People with increased SWB (subjective well-being) demonstrate high personal confidence, self-esteem, personal mastery, and control.
Happy people feel like they are in control and are empowered.
Characteristics related to positive affect include confidence, optimism, self-efficacy, likability, prosocial behavior, activity, energy, physical well-being, flexibility, creativity, and the ability to cope with stress.
People who experience positive emotions, namely joy and contentment, right after experiencing negative emotions recover faster cardiovascularly than ones who have no positive emotional experience. This suggests that positive emotions may fuel psychological resilience.
In a longitudinal study of older Mexican Americans, individuals with higher reported positive affect versus lower positive affect were half as likely to have become disabled or dead during a two-year follow-up.
But what can you do to be happier? In a recent article in Business Insider, writer Dina Spector listed 25 things that will make you happier.
Some of them made sense:
In a survey of 350 people, researchers found that those who felt more powerful were more satisfied with their lives, especially in their jobs.
But some of them were surprising:
Studies have shown that eating high-calorie comfort foods can make your happier. The downside is this will also make you fat. As an alternative, a study published in the Journal of Behavioral and Brain Science in May 2013 found that simply drawing pictures of foods high in fat, like cupcakes or pizza, and foods that taste sweet, like strawberries, can also boost your mood.
The study showed that these 25 things will make you happier:
Draw pictures of healthy foods
Be both an optimist and a realist.
Get your hands dirty.
Become a florist or a gardener.
Have sex — with one partner.
Spend money on many small pleasures rather than a few big ones.
Eat lunch on the beach.
Make your bed.
Focus on what you’re doing right now.
Move to Australia . . . (not sure about that one! *a New Zealand joke!)
Eat seven servings of fruit and vegetables each day.
Maintain a position of power.
Master a skill.
Seal your worries in an envelope, literally
Surround yourself with happy people
Volunteer.
Play with puppies
Smile more (even if it’s fake)
Live in relatively cool temperatures.
List three good things that happened today.
Spend money to free up more time.
Stop comparing yourself to others
Shorten your commute to work
Exercise
Listen to upbeat music
It’s well worth looking at the article to understand the reasoning behind each of these suggestions.
I want to close with a great short video that describes positive psychology in less than five minutes. A fun and succinct explanation.
Let me know if you read the article in Business Insider, I’d love to hear what you think of it. And as always, thank you for stopping by. I appreciate it.
“Each morning when I open my eyes I say to myself: I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn’t arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I’m going to be happy in it.”
― Groucho Marx
HAPPY – The Movie tells us in no uncertain terms that Happiness is within our grasp.
While 50% of our level of happiness is genetic, only 10% is attributed to circumstances (like income, health or the number of shoes in our closet). The other 40% is up to us: what we do, how we think and our intentions to be happy.
HAPPY is uplifting and insightful. It asserts that we can actually re-wire our brains, altering its structure and function, by engaging in some simple activities. And that happiness is a choice that everyone can make, everyday. The movie outlines several ways to be happier:
Simple Meditation Practices (*see info below about the Compassion Meditation)
Physical activity, especially that which gets us “in the flow” and unaware of our surroundings, can contribute to chronic happiness
Other activities which get us “in the flow” – like playing music, doing something we love
Being of service
Community, being with friends, and of course, Love
Richard J. Davidson, PhD, is a renowned neuroscientist and one of the world’s leading experts on the impact of contemplative practices, such as meditation, on the brain. He is the founder and chair of the Center for Investigating Healthy Minds at the Waisman Center, University of Wisconsin-Madison.
He is perhaps best known for his groundbreaking work in studying emotion and the brain. A friend and confidante of the Dalai Lama, he is a highly sought after expert and speaker internationally. Time magazine named him one of the most influential people in the world.
The same meditation practice used in these studies is offered by CIHM online, free of charge. So it’s even easier to choose happiness!
If you haven’t seen the movie, please take the time to watch it. In my opinion, it is nothing less than life-altering!
Please let me know if you’ve seen HAPPY, and if so, what you thought of it. And as always thank you for taking the time to visit, I appreciate it.
“It’s difficult to see the glass ceiling because it’s made of glass. Virtually invisible. What we need is for more birds to fly above it, and shit all over it, so we can see it properly.”
– Caitlin Moran
At the moment, I am reading one of the best books I have ever read. How To Be a Womanby Caitlin Moran is described by The Independent as: ‘Engaging, brave and consistently, cleverly, naughtily funny.’ Some reviewers have said that this is a book that EVERY woman should read; I’ll go one step further, I believe every woman AND man should read this book.
The book isn’t just about Moran’s opinion on what it means to be a woman, it is a searing social commentary. It addresses women’s weight and body image; modern feminism; love, marriage, children and family; abortion; fashion; role models and so much more. Moran’s syle of writing is funny and achingly honest. It’s painful to read, but you can’t help yourself from laughing.
The entire book deserves attention and praise, but for this post, I want to focus on her chapter on Sexism and The Glass Ceiling. Moran describes sexism and The Glass Ceiling in a way that is not very PC; funny but uncomfortable:
Most sexism is down to men being accustomed to us being the losers. That’s what the problem is. We just have bad status. For men born pre-feminism, this is what they were raised on: second-class citizen mothers; sisters who need to be married off; female schoolmates going to secretarial school, then becoming housewives. Women who disengaged. Disappeared.
These men are the CEOs of our big companies, the big guys on the stock markets, the advisors to governments. They dictate working hours and maternity leave, economic priorities and societal mores. And, of course, they don’t feel equality in their bones – sexism runs deep in their generation. Their automatic reaction is to regard women as ‘other.’
Even those men born post-feminism, raised on textbooks and marches and their own mothers leaving each morning for the office, however much they might believe in the theoretical equality of women, and respect those around them . . . have a quiet voice inside them that says ‘If women are the true equals of men, where’s the proof?’ And it is not just a voice inside men. It’s inside women too . . . Creativity, we silently fretted should really have begun the moment legislation changed. All manner of female incredibleness – pent up for centuries – should have been unleashed; flattening trees for thousands of miles around, like a pyroclastic blast. But it wasn’t. Because simply being able to vote isn’t the same as true equality.
Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Facebook gives her opinion of why we have too few women leaders. She explains that as a general rule the data shows that women systematically underestimate their own abilities, while men generally overestimate their own. Men tend to attribute their success to themselves and women attribute it to external factors. Men tend to think they did a good job because they themselves are good at their job, whereas women will often say they had to work extra hard or that someone helped them. Sanderberg stresses that women need to start believing they deserve their own success.
An important factor that Sandberg describes as vitally important is that success and likability are positively correlated for men, but negatively correlated for women. In the following TED Talk, Sandberg talks about a study that strikingly illustrates this.
Both Caitlin Moran’s book and Sheryl Sandberg’s talk caused discomfort in a way, yet were incredibly eye-opening for me. It’s easy to blame men for “keeping us down” – but the reality is that we, as women, have a responsibility to make the changes ourselves. We have to not only believe that we are equal and deserve to be treated as such, but to get out there and do what needs to be done. That doesn’t mean that we have to act like men, and if our brains are wired differently, maybe that’s not even possible. And considering the state of politics and the environment, I for one am not convinced that the present mode of leadership is the best way anyway. But if women want a chance to make a difference and to take the lead, then we have to do it for ourselves. We have to step up. And a good way to start is to read How To Be a Woman and watch Why we have too few women leaders.
Please take the time to comment, I’d love to hear your opinion on this topic. And as always thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it.
This Way Up 