“Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.”
– George Carlin
Ok, so I have to admit it. I have learned so much from this recent argument with my husband. I guess I can even say that I appreciated the argument!
Yes absolutely men’s and women’s brains work differently.
There are fundamental variations between male and female brains that mean we communicate and respond to situations differently. In a relationship, these differences can unintentionally cause misunderstanding and conflict. It’s generally accepted now that women tend to be wired towards empathy, whereas men develop stronger interest in systems, or how things work and that impacts on how we speak and deal with people.
Neuropsychologist Dr Anne Moir, who featured in the video I posted about men and women being wired differently, believes that a better understanding of how we are wired differently will help us argue less. Well it certainly helped me move to a place of compassion. After doing research and having a better understanding of how our brains differ, I was able to soften toward Jeff and better understand where he was coming from.
It also helped incredibly having a wonderfully rich and fascinating discussion with my dear friends, Jan and Trev. They are both interested in neuroscience. Jan with her background in Psychosynthesis; and Trev with an eclectic background and a wide range of studies, both helped me untangle and look at this stuff in a new way.
But actually the experience that really catapulted me into understanding was a situation I had with my own sister. We had a disagreement about something, and she pointed out accurately that I went straight to my head about the situation, while she went to her heart, and emotionally she did not feel met. I felt judged by her (as Jeff had said that he felt judged by me) and my sister said she felt like we were in completely different places while trying to communicate (the same thing that I had said to Jeff.) It was fascinating, and yes, rather uncomfortable. I had to really back-pedal on so much that I had laid on Jeff! What an incredible learning experience.
I have several videos that I found educational and enlightening that I would like to share:
There is an educational one just describing an fMRI and how it works.
Then there is an intersting video from animal planet about male and female brains
There are also two interesting videos from talk shows, Jane and The View that feature the Neuroscientist Dr. Daniel Amen, where he describes fMRIs of men and women and points out the differences.
Maybe you’ll find all of these videos overload, too much information. But I found it incredibly helpful. And navigating relationships is tough in the best of times. I can use all the help I can get!
I’d love to hear what helps you navigate your relationship. And as always thanks for stopping by, I appreciate it.